10/12/2001
 

:claudia's column:

flowers

 
     

For aesthetic, financial and charitable reasons I have become a flower girl. Another reason can be understood by the deep empathy I have with Eliza Dolittle in 'My Fair Lady' - a need to express the "east-end working classness" that is inherent in me but was abolished on meeting Ian and Bill, who taught me to speak proper and be socially acceptable to the ruling class (a subversive ploy intended indeed to overthrow that very class).

You will find some interesting flowers on my stall - red flippfloppers, miniature blowses, pink peuniewillies, perhaps some of you readers could help me out in remembering the names of the others.

The aesthetic reasons are obvious, at the end of the week I like to take the remaining flowers and turn them into a dress.

Financial reasons can be understood by the deep similarities between Elton John and I - his love for cut flowers sent him bankrupt too.Not that I ever bought my own flowers, but I was desperately sorry for the men in my life whose bank accounts were dropping like tulips.

 
     
I also consider flower selling to be like charity work because I always sell the flowers for half what I paid for them, and give them away to old people, people with a limp, a missing limb, or bad complexion, and to suffering lovers . Not that I have to justify my reasons to you, tender fans, I know you understand. I believe this new occupation will be a wonderful opportunity to meet the people, if there are any fans who would like to exploit this possibility then do not hesitate to hop on your bicycle and buy your many-splendoured things from me.